Navigating Situationships: When What You Want and What You Have Don't Align
We've all been there… checking our phone for the third time this morning, wondering why someone who seemed so interested in us the night before hasn't texted back. Or finding ourselves in a pattern that looks like a relationship, feels like a relationship, but technically... isn't one? Well, that just about sums up dating in 2026 for you, doesn’t it? In modern dating, it can often feel like the lines between casual and committed are constantly blurred.
What is a Situationship?
A situationship (also called “Friends with Benefits (FWB)” or a “thing”) is a romantic or sexual connection that exists in the ambiguous space between casual dating and a committed relationship. It has some elements of a relationship, maybe you see each other regularly, have inside jokes, or even meet each other's friends, but lacks the explicit commitment, labels, or future planning that typically define a partnership.
These dynamics have become increasingly common in today's dating landscape, shaped by dating apps, the paradox of choice, and cultural shifts around commitment. However, situationships aren't inherently problematic. The issue comes up when there's a mismatch between what the dynamic actually is and what one or both people want or need it to be.
The Gap between Wanting and Doing
Human behavior is complex, and sometimes what we say we want differs significantly from what we actually pursue. You might tell yourself (and your friends) that you're "just keeping things casual" or "not looking for anything serious right now," but then find yourself:
Anxiously waiting for good morning texts
Feeling hurt when they don't prioritize spending time with you
Wondering where you stand after several months
Feeling jealous at the thought of them seeing other people
Craving emotional intimacy and vulnerability that the dynamic doesn't support
This disconnect isn't about being dishonant or confused—it's deeply human. Research in attachment theory suggests that humans have fundamental needs for connection, security, and belonging in relationships. When we're operating in a situationship that doesn't meet these needs, we experience distress, even if we consciously believe we "shouldn't" want more.
Why do we stay in situationships (and relationships) with misaligned dynamics?
Several factors can keep us in dynamics that don't serve us. This could be things like:
Different life phases: Sometimes both people genuinely are in different places. One person might be focused on career advancement or healing from a past relationship, while the other is ready for partnership. Neither is wrong, but the timing can create friction.
Fear of vulnerability: Admitting what we truly want (deeper connection, commitment, emotional availability) requires vulnerability. Sometimes it can feel safer to pretend we're okay with the current dynamic than to risk rejection by asking for more.
Hope for change: We might stay because we hope the other person will eventually want what the same thing we want. The intermittent reinforcement of occasional intimacy or connection can keep us hooked, like a slot machine.
Cultural messaging: Contemporary dating culture often valorizes being "chill" or “nonchalant” and "going with the flow." Expressing our needs for clarity or commitment can feel like breaking unspoken societal “rules” around dating, making us seem "too much" or "clingy."
Humans have a fundamental need for connection
Here's what's important to understand: your need for connection isn't excessive or unreasonable. Decades of psychological research, from Bowlby's attachment theory to more recent work in social neuroscience, confirms that humans are wired for meaningful connection with others. We're not meant to navigate life in complete isolation, and romantic or intimate relationships are one significant way many people fulfill this need.
What meaningful connection looks like varies tremendously from person to person. For some, it's a committed partnership with daily communication and future planning. For others, it's a friends-with-benefits arrangement with clear boundaries and honest communication. Some people thrive with multiple casual connections, while others need deep, exclusive intimacy.
None of these preferences is inherently better or more evolved than the others. The question isn't what you should want—it's what you actually want, and whether your current dynamic aligns with that.
The Alignment Question
The heart of navigating situationships comes down to alignment. Are your needs, expectations, and boundaries aligned with:
What this dynamic actually is?
What the other person wants and is able to offer?
Where you are in your life right now?
When there's misalignment, you might find yourself in painful patterns: being ghosted or breadcrumbed, feeling anxious about the relationship's status, or sacrificing your own needs to maintain the connection at any cost.
Self-reflection questions for when you’re in a situationship
If you're in a situationship and feeling uncertain, confused, or distressed, these questions can help you gain clarity:
About Your Needs:
What do I actually want from this connection? (Try to be honest with yourself, not what you think you "should" want)
What behaviors make me feel valued and secure? (Daily communication? Quality time? Physical affection? Verbal affirmation?)
Am I getting those needs met in this dynamic?
What needs am I compromising on, and how does that feel in my body?
About the Dynamic:
If I described this situation to a close friend, what would I call it?
Are we on the same page about what this is? How do I know?
Do I feel safe asking questions about where this is going, or do I avoid them out of fear?
Am I waiting for something to change, or am I genuinely content with how things are now?
About Alignment:
Does my behavior match what I say I want? (Example: saying I want casual but feeling devastated when they don't text back)
Am I showing up authentically, or am I performing "chill" to keep them interested?
What would it feel like to clearly express what I need? What am I afraid might happen?
If nothing changed in this dynamic, could I genuinely be happy six months from now?
About Your Options:
What would choosing myself look like in this situation?
If I knew I deserved exactly what I wanted, what would I do differently?
What's the cost of staying versus the fear of leaving?
Moving Forward with Clarity
Working through these questions isn't about reaching a "right" answer. It's about developing self-awareness and honoring what's true for you. Sometimes the answer is to have a vulnerable conversation about your needs. Sometimes it's recognizing that this dynamic served a purpose but no longer does. And sometimes it's acknowledging that what you want and what's available are simply incompatible.
You Don't Have to Navigate This Alone
The modern dating world with its apps and abundant options can often feel overwhelming and even isolating. If you're struggling with situationships, navigating unclear dynamics in relationships or just want to dive deeper into the gap between what you want and what you're experiencing, therapy can provide a supportive space to explore these patterns.
At Maisha Wellness & Counselling, our therapists understand today's dating world. If you’re looking for a therapist in Calgary, Edmonton or anywhere in Alberta, we work with clients navigating situationships, dating app fatigue, and the search for authentic connection in a culture that can make vulnerability feel risky. We can help you understand your attachment patterns, communicate your needs effectively, and make choices that align with your values and well-being through online counselling.
Ready to gain clarity? Click here to book a session with one of our Alberta therapists who specialize in relationships and modern dating dynamics.
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Maisha Wellness & Counselling is a virtual therapy clinic serving clients across Alberta. We believe everyone deserves relationships that feel good and connections that honor who they truly are.
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